A little broken...

I hope everyone is doing well and is ready for Christmas! I can’t believe how fast it has come. I am ready and excited to celebrate, but I’m also a little disappointed as we end another year and kick of a new year without our miracle. After this last failed IVF cycle in November we decided that we would try naturally again. We have never really been given a diagnosis other than some extremely mild endometriosis as the cause of our infertility. Since that was removed over a year ago and a fluid ultrasound in July indicated it had not yet grown back, there is really no medical reason as to why we can’t conceive naturally as far as we know. I have extremely regular cycles, I ovulate on my own, my egg quality is good, Joe’s sperm quality is good, we don’t have any genetic issues, so by the looks of things, we should be able to conceive a child without medical intervention.

Today happened to be cycle day 30, for someone who typically has 27-28 day cycles, I got my hopes up thinking, WHAT IF, I was actually pregnant? What if all those IVF meds over the last year kick started my body? I took a test at lunch and unfortunately, it was negative. OPK’s were positive, we BD’d on the days that we should, but once again, another disappointment. How wonderful would it have been to be able to get a positive HPT on Christmas Eve Eve? I knew it was too good to be true, but there was a glimmer of hope for a brief couple of days.

Now I am having bloodwork done to determine if I actually did ovulate or not and will have to be put on progesterone for 10 days then wait for my period to come unless it comes within the next couple of days. This is even more frustrating since we would like to continue to try naturally next month before we get our second opinion. I’m not sure that we will get the chance to try a second time before that appointment. I am glad that we are nearing 2015 and our appointment with a possible new doctor. I’m just disappointed that we are now going on 4 Christmases hoping for a miracle instead of having one.

Now I am more bound and determined than ever to find an answer as to why. Most of you have been following along for a while and have seen my mention of Natural Killer Cells possibly being the culprit. That is definitely at the top of my list of questions for my next doctor and I will not take no for an answer on that. I will be tested whether it is by him or if we decide to continue with our current doctor. My fellow TTC sister JoJo sent me a book that is all about reproductive immunology and it’s definitely something that we need to consider as the cause of our infertility.

Although I’m not as bummed about this BFN as I would be if it had been an IVF cycle, it is still hard and disappointing, especially during the holidays, this is the worst time of year, especially since we are coming up on a year since our miscarriage. We had our one and only successful IUI last year and got our first BFP on December 30th. Since then we have had no success, but it is that cycle, that positive, that keeps me going. I know that I can get pregnant because I was for a very brief moment, so I have a lot of faith that I will be again one day. I hope everyone has a fabulous Christmas. Enjoy your families and your time together. I know it will be a busy couple of days for us running and around and traveling out of state next weekend, but I will take the time to soak it all in as much as possible!

Wisconsin Dells Getaway Weekend & a Firmoo Review

Our weekend getaway was nothing short of perfect and much needed!  Although Friday we got off to a bit of a rocky start since Joe ended up working a lot later into the afternoon than we wanted and we didn’t get on the road until around 3, we didn’t let it ruin our trip and still had a great time.  We got into town about 6 and headed straight for the hotel.   It had been about 15 years since I had been to the Dells so I kind of chose Chula Vista blindly, I had no idea what to expect besides from what I saw online, and OMG, it was fabulous.  It’s huge!  It has 4 or 5 separate restaurants, an indoor and outdoor water park, a spa, a golf course, several buildings of condos and several buildings of hotel rooms, a huge arcade, a 4D theater, a nail salon, seriously, so much stuff.  It’s the kind of resort that you don’t have to go off property for anything if you didn't want to.

I was happy with this set up!

We ended up with a Jr. King Suite for about $193 a night which I thought was a great price.  We had a king-size bed, a mini-fridge, a microwave, a separate sitting area with a pullout couch, and a balcony with a nice wooded view.   After we settled into our room we went to Kilbourne Grill for some pizza and cheese curds and a couple cocktails of course!  Once we finished dinner we explored the resort, we went and played some ski ball at the arcade and then checked out the 4D movie which was a Frankenstein adventure.  About 10:30 we called it a night, we were exhausted!

Saturday we woke up and decided to go downtown.  It’s really quiet in the winter at the Dells and most stuff is closed up for the season, but it was nice not having to battle through tons of people to do the things we wanted to do.  We started off at the Dells Distillery, I had cheese curds (of course!), and tater tots topped with mac & cheese, they were amazing.  Joe had a pulled pork & shrimp sandwich.  He tried the white whiskey, I stuck to my red wine.  We did a little shopping and hit the Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum too.  We ended our afternoon with a trip to Fawn Creek Winery where we got to taste 13 wines for FREE!  We headed back to the resort and played at the indoor water park for a couple of hours before going back to the room to get ready for dinner. 

so many cheese curds!

We went to a place in BFE called Cimaroli’s.  We waited for over an hour for a table, the place was seriously packed, but it was worth the wait!  We both had their flat-iron steak which is what they’re known for.  They also have old-fashioned’s for $2.50 a piece so Joe had a brandy old-fashioned with his dinner.  We stopped downtown at Nig’s for one beer then headed back to the room.

Sunday we got up, got ready, hung out in our room until checkout, then headed to Moosejaw Pizza and Brewery for lunch before we left town.  I really wanted Paul Bunyon’s for breakfast, but they were closed for the season so we decided to hit the brewery instead.  It was awesome, we had pizza and sampled their entire selection of beers.  We were both really sad to see the weekend come to an end.  We said a couple of times how much we needed this and it really couldn’t have been better.  We had so much fun and were able to just relax and enjoy each other’s company together. 

Knowing that the temps would be a little warmer, I had to carefully select my wardrobe for the weekend.  I brought my favorite new scarf, this American Eagle blanket scarf which I wore the entire time, with leggings, comfy boots, and my new glasses from Firmoo.  I think glasses are a great way to add a fun accessory to an outfit and I was pumped at how cute the pair I chose ended up looking with all of my outfits for the weekend.

Glasses c/o Firmoo | American Eagle blanket scarf

What I love about Firmoo, first is their prices.  When I picked these glasses, I couldn't believe the price!  I was a little skeptical thinking that for that price, the quality might not be that great, and I had no idea if they would actually fit properly since with online ordering  you can't actually try these on, but to my surprise, they are an amazing quality and they fit well!  I may end up getting them tightened up just a bit, but overall, they fit me.  They also came with a really nice hard case, a soft case, a cleaning towel, and a repair kit.  This is better than what I got with my pair from the eye doc! I'm 100% satisfied with these glasses and with Firmoo. Second, I love the choices, there are pages of styles, some are even unisex, they have all different shapes of frames and offer both metal and plastic frames.  They have an array of options that anyone would surely be able to find what they are looking for. 

Lately...

You guys, I’m not gunna lie, this blogging break has been nothing short of awesome. If there’s a time of year for a break, it’s the holidays. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been reading all of your “Christmas List” and “Stocking Stuffer” posts and I kind of wish that I would’ve participated, but in all honesty, when I thought about what would be on my list, my mind went completely blank.

Cutting back on my screen time has been great, it can be challenging at times, but when Joe gets home and we decide to watch a movie or eat dinner, it’s nice to enjoy those moments together, in the moment rather than distracted by our phones. Honestly, this TTC break and social media/screen time break has been awesome for us. Literally the first day after our BFN and our decision to take a break, I felt more connected with him than I have in a long time. Infertility puts a lot of pressure on us both that & didn’t realize the extent of how much of a barrier it was putting between us. We are both making a conscious effort & it’s making a noticeable difference even in just a couple of days/weeks.

So lately we’ve been busy with the house (duh!), we’re just about to have the wiring and plumbing inspected and insulation and drywall are up next. Joe already hung drywall on the wall that goes from the garage into the house (fire code required) and it’s awesome to see it finally take a little more shape. One of these days I’m going to tear in to the boxes of cabinets so that I can see what they actually look like. Our hardwood flooring should be arriving any day now as well. There’s still a TON of work to be done, but once the drywall starts going up, there will be a lot more noticeable progress being made.

Holiday-wise it’s been crazy. My mom and I did our major Christmas shopping trip last Saturday. It was completely exhausting, but I got almost everyone done! That evening we had an annual ugly sweater party to attend which was a complete blast! Always fun to see how far people will take things. This year the girl dressed like a Christmas tree and the guy dressed in a candy striped bow-tie and crushed velvet sport coat were the winners.

Luckily, the next couple weeks will be relatively low-key before the Christmas chaos starts. We are leaving late Friday morning for Wisconsin Dells for a quick little getaway, just the two of us. I can’t wait. We are staying at Chula Vista resort so if anyone has been there & has any tips let me know! It’s been about 15 years since I’ve been there so I am pretty clueless on what’s there. I’m just really looking forward to getting out of town; I don’t care where we go! I’ve got my little cooler bag ready to stock with makings for mimosas!

As far as some of the other things I wanted to do for myself during this break it’s all been going pretty well. I’ve been going to Curves again on a regular basis and feeling a lot better & more energetic. I’ve also been really trying to eat healthier which is a challenge during the holidays. I made this awesome Kale & Quinoa soup from Cooking Classy and it is so amazing & very nutritious. The hardest thing for me is eating out, which we do entirely too much of, it’s so hard to find anything healthy at a restaurant.

I hope all is well with everyone, I’ve been trying to at least keep up with reading my favorite blogs and commenting as much as I can. I’m going to continue on my break and keep the posts at a minimum for now. It’s been nice to have one less thing to worry about at this crazy time of year. Although I LOVE my blog and my readers, sometimes we just need to step back from things for a moment. I’m planning on enjoying myself the rest of this month & hopefully coming back full-swing come January!