Friday, April 01, 2016

DEIVF Update...

Today was Amy’s first appointment with Dr. Servy and I’m happy to report that all went really well!  She had an ultrasound  and Dr. Servy said that everything looked perfect which is great news.  Her next step is blood work which she is having done at the University hospital where she works.  Once the results come back in about 7-10 days, we should be able to get our calendar in place. 

I have to tell you guys, on Thursday I received a phone call from Dr. Servy personally telling me that based on my blood work results, he believed that I would be a good candidate for a Clomid antagonist protocol with my own eggs.  He said that he believes I’ve been overstimulated in the past (cycles 1 & 3) and that he believes that with Clomid we would produce less eggs, but that they would have a better chance of being more mature.  I will tell you I was kind of upset & heartbroken that he brought this up because we were so set on using Amy for our eggs.  He was really dangling hope right in front of me and of course I was eager to know more. 

What really intrigued me was that this protocol is nothing I’ve ever tried before, but at the same time, I have also tried a very low dose of stims (cycle #2) and had the worst cycle of all.  I was so torn, once again, between what Dr. Servy was telling me and the plan we already had in motion.  I was excited that someone still felt hopeful about my eggs and that’s not to say that I’m not still hopeful that one day it could happen, but we have been through so much already and I really don’t know if I want to endure anymore heartache. 

I took a long walk and literally cried the entire time (thanks a lot AF) just thinking about how cruel infertility is and why can’t I just have a child of my own naturally?  Why can’t anyone find anything wrong with me, yet I still can’t function as I am meant to?  It’s seriously one of the hardest things to have to think about and accept as my reality.  I wish that things would’ve went as I dreamed, if they had we would have our two kids and be living our happily ever after in our beautifully built forever home, yet here we are, not one child to speak of, and still no idea if we will ever beat this.  I never ever thought I’d be dealing with this for as long as we have been.  I’m just so ready for this nightmare to be over. 

And that was a big part in our decision.  Our history so far, the path we’re already on, the eagerness & selflessness of our donor, and the fact that we are just done with all of the heartbreak that comes along with my eggs & Joe’s sperm.  Do I wish they were compatible?  Yes.  Do I think maybe someday they will be?  Yes.  But we are ready to get off of this ride, we are ready to be done with this journey and enjoy the next step of our lives.  I’m not going to live in infertility forever & at this rate that is exactly what it feels like we are setting out to do.  So we decided, together, that we are going to continue with donor eggs and do what we feel is going to give us the outcome we are looking for without taking chances & spending money on something that we just can’t rely on.  Without a 100% guarantee that my eggs would work, I just can’t bring myself to do another fresh cycle again.   

I am content with our decision and I do feel like it’s the right choice.  It makes the most sense for so many reasons and I hope that everyone can continue to follow along and support us on this journey because sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps us going.  It’s been almost 5 years of TTC and almost 3 years of infertility treatment and I feel like we haven’t gotten very far at all with any of this.  I truly think that this new journey is going to finally bring us to the end of all of this and bring us to the end that we have been desperately seeking for so long. 


  1. Oh wow, just when you think you have a straight path planned out another idea is thrown your way to confuse your thouhts. BUT it sounds like you know exactly how you want to proceed and although I have never been in your exact position, I think I would feel the same way. I'm so excited for you and so glad Amy's appointment went well!

  2. Gah! Nothing like throwing a wrench in your plans, but I am glad that you and Joe have come to a decision and are content with that decision. I can't wait to watch your journey!

  3. I think I would feel the same way when the doc called. Like dude you totally decided on a decision and now you're making me start fresh and think about it all over again.
    I know the decision you two chose is the right choice, and you WILL be a mama!!! positive energy, positive results ;) always always thinking about you girlie!!

  4. Such tough decisions! But it sounds like you listened to your heart and are confident. Cannot wait to see what this next step brings.

  5. So many tough decisions, but it sounds like you have made the right one! Totally cheering you on and supporting you!

  6. all that matters is that you are happy with your decision. you gotta do whats right for you! just because you're ruling it out now doesn't mean you're ruling it - or anything - out forever. sounds like you have made the right decision for you and i truly hope this nightmare ends soon for you. fingers and toes crossed as always xoxo

  7. Sorry for these tough decisions you've been having to make. I think you moving in a great direction, though! And hey - thanks for the Dave Ramsey posts. I decided to start a class tonight with my sister!

  8. Oh girl I can only imagine how tough some of those decisions are and have been. Do what you know to be right for you! Cheering for you always!

  9. So glad to hear your donors appointment went well and things are progressing! It's nice to hear that your Dr believes in your eggs and I can totally understand why you felt torn and I totally understand why you chose the route you did! So happy for you! Love following along on your journey :)

  10. What a road you have been down and to only have to answer more tough questions. I am glad though that the doctor does have hope that someday you could use your own eggs and I understand that not wanting to go through more heartache. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way as you navigate through more decisions. xo

  11. The "I'm not going to live in infertility forever" comment is so true and so brave. Take what control you can! It takes courage to allow yourself to let go of the ideal vision of what life would be

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