THIRTY

Today is my 30^th birthday.  If you would’ve asked me 10 years ago what I thought about 30, I would’ve probably said that 30 is old, but today, I know that it isn’t.  I remember thinking that 30 was such an adult age and that I’d probably be married, have kids, have a job, have a house, etc. and I do have most of those things so I guess I’m on the right track, not that there is a “right” track, but on what I thought my track would be.

The decade spanning my twenties consisted of SO MUCH!  When I think back on it I am very thankful that I am not where I was when I was 20 because I was a hot mess on the verge of probably jail or death.  Luckily by 21 I was a renewed soul with a renewed purpose in a healthy relationship with a strong man & had rebuilt other important relationships and closed doors on the toxic people, places, things that were dragging me down into an abyss of dangerous behaviors and habits. 

I’ve learned an absolute infinite amount about love, life, relationships, myself, my job, health, and so much more these last 10 years.  There have been some truly blissful and amazing moments and memories, and there have been some terrible, horrible, no good very bad moments and memories too, but they have helped shape me into the person I am today, that is a person I LOVE.  Yes, I can 100% say that I love myself for who I am, I believe in my authenticity & I accept that not everyone in the world will.  I have my own set of convictions that are the foundation for who I am.  I am not perfect in any way, shape, or form.  I have flaws, I have imperfections, & things I wish I did or liked or what have you, but I accept all of those things and believe that they make me, me. 

I am a VERY strong Type A, I love having control over everything, a very tidy house, desk, car, etc., I am a realist, and usually I am the voice of reason.  It’s not something I do intentionally, it is who I am.  Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me about situations, but I also do know how to let loose and have a good time.  I have some street-cred that stems from some life choices that I was making that I am not proud of, but also that I do not regret.  I am who I am today because of the things I did yesterday.  At the same time, I do not live in the past, I forgive very easily (sometimes too easily) and I just want to get along with and love everyone.  I understand now (after a lot of learning about this) that there are many people that aren’t like this.  I don’t hold a grudge for more than like 5 seconds.  I have a ton of energy but I can also easily rope it in and be relaxed and lazy.  I consider myself to be very eclectic, I don’t identify with or as a single group (like a hippy or a nerd) I fall into many categories and I think it’s pretty amazing.  I’m a raver and an old school rapper at heart, but I am also very professional and take my job very seriously.  I like to take care of people, my husband especially, and he truly does appreciate the things that I do for him & vice versa.  I still turn to my mom for answers to pretty much everything, and probably always will! 

I love my home, like I’m obsessed with it, it’s so beautiful & I’m so proud to say that WE built that house & made it what it is.  I love to camp, I love being on the back of the Harley with my husband even if it’s only for 10 minutes to go down the street, it’s one of my favorite places in the world.  I love jewelry, especially turquoise and any kind of quartz or agate, I have a slight obsession.  I am constantly messing with my nails and my cuticles and my fingers are just awful, I love a fountain cherry Coke, I would eat pizza every day or a Reese’s peanut butter cup (which I actually do).  I am very reliable and ALWAYS on time (except when I’m with my husband or Jessica then we are always late).  I love wine and beer.  I give good advice and people vent to me a lot.  I’m always freezing.  I communicate better through written word than spoken word.  And really, there is so much more…

When I was 20 the most important things were drastically different than they are now.  At 30, it’s family, friends, health, a job, and HAPPINESS.  I’ve learned that family is a term that is defined by each person in their own way.  I consider my best friends to be part of my family too, because they have been there for me at my worst & seen me at my most vulnerable, that’s what I consider to be family.  I’ve learned that EVERY family has dysfunction to some degree, some more than others, but EVERYONE has it. 

Happiness and health are more valuable than anything that money can buy.  With so many people suffering from depression, committing suicide, being diagnosed with cancer and other life threatening or debilitating diseases, having true happiness and good health is something I am thankful for every single day.  Yes, I suffer from infertility, but that pales in comparison to the suffering that I have seen in my life time.  No price can be put on either of those things.

I know how important it is to count my blessings on a regular basis.  When we are in our early twenties we take many things for granted and believe we are invincible, but the older we get the older we realize how lucky we are to have the things we do, everyday things like a meal on the table or a cup of coffee, clean drinking water, a roof over our heads, to big things like our freedom.  It’s being grateful and thankful for these things that make us truly place value on the precious gift of life that we have been given.

I know I got deep with this, and that 30 really is just a number.  I talk to my 87 year old grandma and she says she’s going into her 90’s but feels like she’s in her 30’s still, but it is a pretty big milestone & I felt compelled to document this, if for no one else but myself.  My twenties were a time I will never forget, but I am so happy to be moving into this next phase of my life.  I am constantly evolving, finding new things I like, things I want to try, places I want to go, people I want to meet, and becoming more and more myself each day.  I don’t believe there is ever a stopping point to becoming WHO we are. 

I am very thankful to be spending another amazing birthday on this planet.  I am so thankful for my wonderful husband and our marriage, going on 5 years of wedded bliss and there is no one else I’d rather spend this life with.  My family and friends, I have so much love and support from all of you and I consider myself pretty lucky to be so close my family and to Joe’s family.  My fur-baby Frank who seriously makes my heart just burst with love on a daily basis (and I guess my cat too).  All of my TTC sisters and the amazing community of love and support that we are able to share, I couldn’t ask to be a part of anything better. My amazing donor (who I also consider a friend) who deserves her very own shout-out because she is giving us the most precious gift, the gift of life!  Amy, you rock!  I am so blessed & have seriously the BEST TRIBE of people in my life that I choose to surround myself with and I am so thankful for all of you for you all breathe life into me every single day.   

Oh & P.S., I chopped my hair...