Friday, October 20, 2017

Standing Up to Mom-Shamers

Warning, long post, long story, but absolutely necessary to call out bullies and mom-shamers so if you're sticking around for the long haul, thank you in advance!


If you follow me on Instagram or on my personal Facebook then you saw the drama the ensued last week when I found out a girl that I have had some issues with in the past took captions from my Instagram photos regarding a flu shot that Georgia had received and shared them inside an anti-vaccination Facebook group that she had me blocked from several months ago.  I had stated in a photo that Georgia was feeling a little under the weather after her shot & this girl proceeded to call me "dumb" and said "I feel bad for her child".  She claims that she posted it because I "targeted" her in the past about vaccinations which is not at all true. 


I really did not want to have to rehash all of this, but I feel like when someone is bullying, especially behind a computer screen, and they've done it to numerous others, they need to be called out and when you bring not only me, but my child into the situation, then you will be called out in every way I can imagine, so I am going to share the story & the details here because I think that mom shaming and mom judging has gotten very ugly and now that I've been personally attacked (or targeted as this girl likes to say) I feel that it is my duty to make it clear that I don't tolerate this kind of crap.

I was very torn about vaccinations.  Ultimately we decided to do the Vitamin K shot in the hospital but we skipped the hepatitis and we skipped the erythromycin which is the goop they put in the eyes.  I did a lot of research to come to these decisions and with my husband and midwives on board, I am confident in our decision.  When it came to scheduled vaccinations I really was still torn, this girl was, what I considered to be a very good resource because her son had experienced a vaccination injury so I really did want her input.  She added me to this private anti-vaxx Facebook group and they gave me a lot of info on where I could research vaccinations.  I purchased and still use a book called The Vaccine Friendly Plan which I think is a great, non-biased, researched backed book that clearly explains vaccinations and why we did them to begin with and what this doctors recommendations are about them today. 


When it came time for Georgia's 2 month appointment, we decided we would follow the regular schedule of all vaccinations even though I had thought about delaying or eliminating some, we decided vaccination was best for us and for Georgia, we didn’t take any one else's opinions into consideration when deciding, we just chose what was best for US & HER.  So, we had her vaccinated and she handled them like an absolute champ, she had no reactions, hardly cried at all, and that's that.  I decided to post an update on Facebook that included her stats and the fact that we chose to vaccinate.  I specifically asked on the photo caption "no negative comments or judgements will be tolerated so please spare me", I was not starting drama, I was actually attempting to keep drama off of my post but of course, this girl immediately took it as me "targeting" her.  On top of that my aunt had commented "smart girl on the shots" in which this girl proceeded to exclaim that she thought she was being a smart girl too until her son went unresponsive after a vaccination, etc. etc. – Joe being the amazing guy that he is stepped into the comment thread to say that I had asked for no negative comments & asked that she stop.  The next day I had been blocked from all of her social media because the girl seriously cannot handle anyone that doesn’t see eye to eye with her.  If someone disagrees with her, it seems as though she immediately blocks them.  This happened literally, on April 25th, so around 6 months ago.

All had been quiet since then.  I really hadn't heard anything about her at all from anyone, but I guess that is because most of the people that I talk to, she has blocked for one reason or another (come to find out after this situation).  Honestly, I didn’t even really know this girl IRL, I had only ever seen her in person maybe 3 times when she dropped off some Scentys she had sold me and once at my nieces birthday party when I was still pregnant.  I really didn’t know much about her, she didn't go to the same high school, I'm not even sure how we became friends on facebook but she seemed to be friends with a lot of my friends and acquaintances, you know how that happens these days with social media.  But in REAL life, we do not know anything about each other, only what we've assumed or heard from others.  So even though she blocked me, it was no skin off my teeth because I really wasn't friends with her to begin with.  I thought it was sad and really felt like she blew it all way out of proportion.


Fast forward to last week.  I get a message from a friend telling me that this girl had shared my photo caption in the private Facebook group.  She said that my name was blocked out but she instantly knew it was me.  I immediately thanked her so much for being a good friend and letting me know this was going on behind my back in a place where I was unable to defend myself to this girl and the other mothers who were commenting negatively towards me.  I was also very thankful (and she should be too) that she did not share Georgia's actual photo because she would've had a big problem on her hands if that was the case.  When I got home I posted an Instagram Live video about the situation and then the next day, I very lengthy post on Facebook calling out mom-shaming, and eventually sharing her name on a screen shot I had taken of some nasty text messages she had sent me once she found out I knew what she had done.  Yep, I went there.  Funny thing is, before I ever shared her name I had an inbox full of messages asking me if it was this person & saying they had been blocked by her as well. 


Later in the day I had gotten some messages from her explaining to me why she blocked me in the first place which is because I "started drama with her about vaccinations" (which I didn't), I told her she must not have many friends because of how many people she had blocked because they don’t see eye to eye with her.  She then proceeded to tell me that my IVF friends don’t know the real me which really sent me over the edge.  I said fuck you and then blocked her number.  This really really pissed me off because you guys know that I pride myself on my transparency and honesty with my posts.  I share the good and the bad, fortunately for me I have a lot more good in my life than bad.  Maybe that makes it seem like I'm being fake because to her, she cannot fathom what it's like to be as happy as I am with my life.  I can't fathom what it's like to live such a sad, miserable existence where you bully other behind a screen, saying and doing things you never would in real life.  I truly feel like this girl needs help and maybe to get out of her bubble that she lives in. 

The point of all of this, all the details, the background of what went down, is that these types of things happen a lot.  I'm in some mommy groups on Facebook and although they are usually very helpful and very respectful, I see so much shaming, unsolicited advice, and moms just being downright mean to other moms for their choices.  It's typically someone asking for advice on decision they've already made, and then others who don't agree tend to come out of the woodwork explaining why it's a bad decision.  I've seen it being called "informing", but let's call it what it really is, JUDGING.

I am not saying in any way that I am perfect and have never judged someone before.  We have ALL judged and we all have been judged, we always will be.  It's just something that we should all try to work on in ourselves.  For me, I literally do not have enough time to worry about other moms and the decisions they are making.  I only have time to worry about Georgia and her welfare.  She is only 1 child, so anyone who has time for that kind of crap, I wish I knew where you got all this time from because I'd love to have some. 


In the end I know who I am, I know that the person that I portray online is an authentic person and who I am in real life.  My REAL friends and family can and will vouch for that.  I am so so thankful for all of the love and support that was shown to me when I shared this story on social media.  Even though many of my followers do not know me personally, you can tell when someone is being real and when they are being fake.  You all know that I have been nothing but open and honest about all aspects of our lives.  You know what our struggles are, you know what our accomplishments are, you know that I everything I do is for the good of Georgia and her well being and that I would never do ANYTHING to put her in any kind of harm.  You may not agree with my choice to vaccinate, or co-sleep, or breastfeed, but you know that my intentions are only for her good.  If you stuck around for this entire post I truly appreciate it. 


Have you ever been mom-shamed or judged for the choices you made as a mother?  Did you brush it off as we so often do or did you take a stand against it? 

3 comments:

  1. I love this post. We all should work harder not to judge each other!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mom-shaming is too common. When Spencer's asthma kicked in and he was hospitalized, anti-vaxx people were the first to tell me it's because I vaccinate him. I did a TON of research before vaccinating my children, and I'm confident in our decision as parents to do so. I've been shamed for breastfeeding, blogging about my children, sharing their pictures. It literally never stops.

    ReplyDelete
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