Monday, October 15, 2018

October - Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month


October is a month dedicated to remembering pregnancies and babies gone too soon.  It's a month when you'll see an increase in people sharing their stories of loss.  October 15th is the Wave of Light Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day; it can be a very tough time for people who have experienced a loss.  

Earlier this month I came across a post on Instagram shared by Infertility Illustrated and I felt compelled to share it in my stories because it really resonated with me.  This drawing with the words "well of course that was only a chemical pregnancy".  I explained along with the photo that for a long time I minimized my losses.  I experienced my first "chemical pregnancy" in January 2014 after an IUI, another in December 2015, and most recently this past July.  From what I've always understood a "chemical pregnancy" to be versus a "miscarriage" is that a chemical pregnancy is one that begins to implant, secretes HCG, but no gestational sac ever forms, whereas with a miscarriage, a sac and yoke are most likely present at the time of the loss. 

There were many times over the course of the years that I didn't feel as though our losses were worthy to be be considered a pregnancy loss.  I would minimize it and say to myself, well my beta was only a 50, or a 20, or an 8, so technically I shouldn't consider it to be an actual pregnancy.  When I shared these sentiments along with the illustration, I got over a dozen+ messages from women who felt or were still feeling the exact same way about their chemical pregnancies. 

What it took for me to realize that my losses DID matter and that they were valid and that my feelings along with those losses were warranted was the birth of my daughter.  I know not everyone who has experienced a chemical pregnancy has yet to or ever will get to this point in their journey, but for me, once I was finally able to see the life that was created, I realized that each one of those "chemical pregnancies" could've been a potential child just as amazing as the one I was finally holding in my arms.  With each message that I received telling me that they felt shameful of their loss, or that their loss didn't matter, I told them their loss DID matter, that every loss does.  

There are so many complicated emotions that accompany the loss of a baby at any time.  I think it's important that we break the silence around pregnancy loss and not worry so much about the definitions and terms as much as we do and focus on the fact that every pregnancy no matter how far along (even embryos in my eyes) could have resulted in a life, and that matters!  I don't think its fair to say that because someone was say in their second trimester vs. their first that their loss matters more or is worse than someone who lost their pregnancy earlier.  Along with the stigma around miscarriage and loss I believe there is also a stigma around how we refer to them; we should not be minimizing ANY loss!  

For me, I'd even like to see it be taken one step further to consider that every embryo transferred that fails be considered a loss.  I'm not sure that someone who hasn't experienced an embryo transfer or infertility would agree, but the 1 in 8 of us who have experienced infertility would probably agree.  Every single one of those was a fertilized egg, meaning that life was being created, the first step & several of the other steps necessary for an embryo to progress to the point of being transferred had taken place, to me that should count for something!  Just because an embryo didn't implant doesn't mean that it too wasn't a potential life, just as one that had implanted.  

I may be rambling and taking my thoughts too far, but after the outpouring of messages that I received after sharing this illustration, my mind started spinning as I realized the number of women who have experienced this and have felt the need to minimize their feelings and their grief.  If you've experienced any kind of pregnancy loss, please know that it matters and that you are allowed to be sad about it, you're allowed to be mad, and grieve over it for as long or as little as it takes.  Regardless if infertility was a factor in your journey to get pregnant, a chemical pregnancy, a miscarriage, a stillborn, or the loss of any child at any point in their life is extremely devastating and it's something that no parent should ever have to experience.  Unfortunately, just like infertility, loss does not discriminate.  It can happen to anyone and often times there is nothing that can be done to prevent it.  

What I do see, especially during the month of October are women and couples who gather the strength to share about the loss they've experienced.  Sometimes it's the only they're willing to speak about it, while other share often.  There is no right or wrong way, the memory of those babies live on through their parents, siblings, and family no matter how often their story is shared and their mothers and fathers are constantly thinking about them.  If you've experienced the loss of a pregnancy or a child, please know that you are not alone & that no matter when that loss took place, no matter how brief that life was, it does matter. 


5 comments:

  1. I have been in relationship with my boyfriend for 2 year now and we were planning to get married soon and all of a sudden he left me for another girl, i really love this guy and never can imagine my life without him. I further tried all my best to get him back but all my effort to get him back in my life did not work out. It was on this faithful day, i came across some comments on a website about this great spell caster called Chief Dr Lucky, so many persons claimed that he help them to renew their relationship and bring their ex back, i had to contact him because he was my last hope. I contacted him through his email and he assured me that in two days time my boyfriend is going to leave the other girl and come back to me and it was a very great surprise to see my boyfriend coming back to me after two days. I am so very happy today that he came back to me and i achieved this with the help of Chief Dr Lucky, and i advice if you need his help too Email: Chiefdrlucky@gmail.com or Whats App: +2348132777335
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    Replies
    1. My names are Ashley Vivian, Am here to share a testimony on how Dr Raypower helped me. After 1/5 year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster called Dr Raypower and i contact him and explain my problems to him. He cast a love spell for me which i use and after 24 hours, my boyfriend came back to me and started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 3 years with a son. Ever since Dr Raypower helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship fix Email: urgentspellcast@gmail.com see more reviews about him on his website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me Call or WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109 also view his blog: https://urgentspellcast.blogspot.com/






      My names are Ashley Vivian, Am here to share a testimony on how Dr Raypower helped me. After 1/5 year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster called Dr Raypower and i contact him and explain my problems to him. He cast a love spell for me which i use and after 24 hours, my boyfriend came back to me and started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 3 years with a son. Ever since Dr Raypower helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship fix Email: urgentspellcast@gmail.com see more reviews about him on his website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me Call or WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109 also view his blog: https://urgentspellcast.blogspot.com/

      Delete
    2. Divorce and marital breakthrough save your marriage / relationship from breakup and Divorce? you can contact Dr. Raypower through email Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or call him directly or WhatsApp on +1 (424) 330-8109

      Good day everybody, My names are Alicia Leonard i am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. I was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, so i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact this great powerful spell caster called Dr. Raypower, The main reason why she instructed me to contact Dr Raypower was because in recent times she have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about the powerful spell caster Dr Raypower and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband and utilize the powers of the other woman which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. To everyone with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Raypower the powerful urgent spell caster via details below
      Email: Urgentspellcast@gmail.com
      Website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me/
      Blog: https://urgentspellcast.blogspot.com/
      Call/WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109

      Delete
  2. My names are Ashley Vivian, Am here to share a testimony on how Dr Raypower helped me. After 1/5 year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster called Dr Raypower and i contact him and explain my problems to him. He cast a love spell for me which i use and after 24 hours, my boyfriend came back to me and started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 3 years with a son. Ever since Dr Raypower helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship fix Email: urgentspellcast@gmail.com see more reviews about him on his website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me Call or WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109 also view his blog: https://urgentspellcast.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  3. Divorce and marital breakthrough save your marriage / relationship from breakup and Divorce? you can contact Dr. Raypower through email Urgentspellcast@gmail.com or call him directly or WhatsApp on +1 (424) 330-8109

    Good day everybody, My names are Alicia Leonard i am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. I was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, so i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact this great powerful spell caster called Dr. Raypower, The main reason why she instructed me to contact Dr Raypower was because in recent times she have read some testimonies on the internet which some people has written about the powerful spell caster Dr Raypower and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him which he did a perfect job by casting a spell on my husband and utilize the powers of the other woman which made him to come back to me and beg for forgiveness. I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. To everyone with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Raypower the powerful urgent spell caster via details below
    Email: Urgentspellcast@gmail.com
    Website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me/
    Blog: https://urgentspellcast.blogspot.com/
    Call/WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109

    ReplyDelete

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