Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Postponing our Next Transfer

Well, the title kind of sums up our plans, but I get messages regularly asking about our next transfer so I thought I'd just put all the details here for anyone who wants to know.  A few weeks back I mentioned a possible May transfer in my Instagram stories, which was really where I thought we'd be headed come next month, however my intuition was telling me something different so we have shifted gears a bit.  

Post D&C I just really didn't know what the future was going to be.  I knew I wanted to do another transfer (we have 3 embryos left) however I was also fearful of going down the path of miscarriage again.  We experienced 2 pregnancy losses last year, one in July and one in November of 2018.  Our first loss is what is referred to as a chemical pregnancy basically meaning very early loss.  We didn't even go in for an ultrasound, we knew based on our betas that the pregnancy wasn't viable.  Our second transfer the betas came back amazing.  Very high and more than doubling so we were very certain that we had a thriving baby only to find out at our first ultrasound that the embryo had split and I had a blighted ovum (empty sac) and a baby who had stopped growing around 6 weeks with no heartbeat.  It was devastating and it was the hardest part of our journey to hear those words.  

I had a D&C 11 days later and I knew that I would need time to recover.  I bled for 3 weeks, then at 4 weeks I had my first period post D&C.  At first I thought that we would go back for our next transfer in March but the holidays flew by and before we knew it we were already into February when I realized that it wasn't going to happen in March.  Not only did we go through a pregnancy loss in early November but at the same time Joe decided to quit his job and start a business so we had a lot on our plates at that time.  Starting a business has been a challenge but in a good way.  A lot of our finances have gone towards making sure our business is successful right off the bat and now that our transfer is 100% out of pocket it was going to put us in a pretty tight spot financially if we were going to transfer this spring.

There was a lot to consider but my mind was made up that we'd do a transfer come May.  That would give us some time to get ourselves into a better spot financially and it was sooner rather than later.  Something was telling me though that maybe we should wait.  We really wanted to finish our back patio which was going to be a few thousand dollars and I wanted to invest in a nice swing set for Georgia to give her a space to play this summer now that she's older.  I also had been really struggling with Georgia going through some of the typical "terrible twos" stuff and I couldn't fathom being pregnant with a toddler at the time.  Mama's going to need her alcohol this summer!  I knew that deep down the right thing to do was to wait.  And I don't mean wait like a month, I mean wait several months, like until summer is over.  

I realized that I want to give Georgia as much attention as possible and provide her with as many experiences as we possibly can and I don't want anything to be in the way of that so I knew that waiting really was for the best.  It's going to be hard but with how quickly time is going I know the summer will fly by and I want to make the most of it with my family.  Most of us know this all too well when it comes to infertility, if there isn't a set back or an intermission in our plans at some point can we even say we've experienced infertility to the fullest?! 

It's hard because I wanted our kids to be close in age, but I've again learned the lesson about relinquishing control of things that I really have no control over.  A transfer this fall would put our babies over 3 years apart, but I know that that is OK and that there is nothing more I can do about it at this point.  Making the decision to wait does give me a little sense of control over the situation too, even though it's not exactly what I wanted, it is for the best at this point. 

Commenting is still turned off due to so many spammy comments, but if you have any questions or comments you can send them directly to me via email {babyridleybump@gmail.com}
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