Monday, January 05, 2015

changing my thinking


It’s not the future that you’re afraid of. It’s repeating the past that makes you anxious.
I was perusing Pinterest the other day when I came across this quote. I read it a couple times and pretty much had an epiphany of sorts. It’s not really a thought that I’ve never had before, I’ve said many times that the more failures that we have had, the harder it is for me to expect anything but that and that thought is definitely an extension of this quote. But I reflected on this quote a few times now since I pinned it and realized that it’s undeniably true for me and it’s undeniably a problem; my past with infertility is certainly effecting my thoughts about my future.

One thing I decided to do different this year than I have in years past is NOT set goals for the year. I picked a word, and that word is “determined”. You might have read about it in my 2014 year in review post, and you’ll read about it often throughout my posts for the rest of the year as I try to live each day, whether big or small, by this word. So part of living up to my word is making some changes in my thinking. Much easier said than done. Cognitive changes are not easy, but it only takes 21 days to form a habit and if I can change my thinking for just 3 weeks, then I’ll have changed it for good. I’ll start by taking baby steps. I’ll change this one thought, “it’s not the future that you’re afraid of. It’s the past that makes you anxious” and I’m going to start today.

Today is 15 days before my consultation with our new RE and I’d really like to have this thought changed before my next cycle of treatment. I don’t want to go into it thinking, “Well, everything else has been negative so this probably will be too”, I’m a firm believer in positive thinking + positive vibes=positive outcomes and by thinking they way I have been in the past, I’m not living up to what I believe. I need to recommit to some of my convictions that I’ve clearly abandoned these last few cycles. I completely blame infertility for that abandonment and I need to take the bull by the horns again and regain my control over it.

Before 3 failed IVF cycles in a row, I was more of a warrior, a fighter, and could laugh infertility in the face. Now I feel as though those 3 failed cycles have completely tainted my optimism and my positivity. I shamefully let it take more control of my thoughts that I ever thought I would and being the self-proclaimed advocate for infertility awareness and education, I need to get back to that formula that I once deeply believed in and lived by. I need to get back to my naïve self that I was when we were just starting treatment and thought the very first attempt would work, little did I know what we would have to go through, but that was the attitude that I want back. It’s the attitude that is so hard to hold on to when you’re fighting this battle, it’s the attitude that we all start out with and it can be changed so easily, it can be taken from right under your nose and before you know it, you doubt everything.

I am determined to get back to the old me, and I will get back to the old me, and I will do it before our next treatment cycle. There, I said it (or wrote it), and now I am holding myself accountable to it. I will no longer think of the past and the failure that came along with it, I won’t let it cause anxiety about my future. Instead I will focus solely on the future and what is in store for us. I will not expect failure, I will expect success. Even if it causes more heartache and more of a letdown, it will be worth it.

28 comments:

  1. I love this! I just had my first IVF success that quickly turned to heartache and while I am already thinking about a FET, I am terrified to do it because of what I just went through. I can't let it hold me back though!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So sorry for your loss! I've miscarried too, and it sucks!! Best of luck to you!

      Delete
  2. Pulling for you my friend! I love your word!

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a great quote, and great new attitude! None of your previous cycles have any bearing on the next! Good luck friend; I am pulling for you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. These are powerful words! Something I need to start doing myself. Sending my prayers to you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I just love this quote and your way of thinking. You are a warrior and I truly admire you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Loving your optimism friend. "Positive thinking + positive vibes = positive outcomes" 100% agree!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You know you're always on my mind. I'm always thinking positive thoughts and keep you in my prayers! I have never seen this quote but gosh, it's good!

    ReplyDelete
  8. your attitude and optimism has always inspired me, here's to the future girl! what past?!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think of you often during the day and each time I say a little prayer for you! Praying, wishing, and thinking good positive thoughts that 2015 is your year!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Keep up that positive attitude and vibe, I believe in it too! That is a fantastic quote and I'm excited to see your future unfold. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wonderfully written. It is hard when your mind gets the best of you. You've got an accountability partner in me should you ever need one ;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Love your positive outlook, you are such a role model!!!!! I see bright things in your future!!!!!!! Xo

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you for sharing this..and being honest. I am praying for you friend :) I hope 2015 will be a great year for you :)
    Chelsea @ thewilliamsjourney1.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. Love how positive you are girl!!!! I really really hope this is the year for you! I feel like only good things can come your way this year! Praying for you girl!

    <3, Pamela
    Sequins & Sea Breezes

    ReplyDelete
  15. I know it's so scary to be hopeful for fear of being let down again and again. But you are exactly right. Positive thinking does lead to a positive outcome. Hang in there! You are one tough lady!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Determined is a great motto for the year, you can do it - 21 days will fly by. Have you read the book "Making Babies" by Sami S. David and Jill Blakeway. If not, I highly recommend it, it was definitely a big help for me, and making me feel empowered over my own journey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I haven't but I will definitely check that out! Thank you!! Happy New Year!

      Delete
  17. You are absolutely amazing. I admire you so so much!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I saw your post this morning on instagram and I just love the message!!! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

    ReplyDelete
  19. I definitely think that it is more difficult for some of us to shake our past failures and embrace the idea that we can have successes. Negative affirmations were something that I struggled with. Thankfully, after lots of prayer and just taking the time to repeat or think something positive daily for about a year, I'm in a better place. Failures don't knock me down as much as they used and I'm not afraid to hop back on the horse.

    Wishing you a great 2015 with lots of success, determination and positive results!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'm definitely a work in progress, but I will get there!

      Delete
  20. Love the message! Definitely rooting for you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Team Elena ALL the WAY! "positive thinking + positive vibes=positive outcomes" <-- quote of the year and so true girl. Thinking of you! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  22. Love this post. Thinking of you often and always cheering you on. Big hugs. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  23. You got this girl! Your on the right track to success! I'm sure it's hard to not let the past bring you down, however your determination and desire to succeeed WILL get you through this!!! :)

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for commenting on my blog! I read & try to reply to every comment via e-mail so if you don't get a reply from me you might be a no-reply blogger!

 
Blog Design by Imagination Designs
Graphic by OctopusArtis