Thursday, December 31, 2015

Final beta...


My HCG level dropped to a 4 as of today.  I was instructed to discontinue my meds as of today.  You know the saying “trust your intuition”, well it is the truth, trust it and it will not steer you wrong.  I knew when Tuesday’s results came back that the level has stayed the same that this was going to take a turn for the worst, and it did. 


When I think about this journey I think back to the beginning and how naïve I was.  Back in October 2013 we were fresh in the fertility world I had no clue what was in store for us.  And almost 2 years to THE DAY, I am miscarrying again for a second time.  Its very heart breaking to think we are still basically stuck in the same position that we were at that time except for in 2013 we hadn’t committed as much as we have at this point to infertility.  Are we just a bunch of suckers?  Kind of seems like it. 


In 27 months we have had 2 IUIs, 6 cycles of IVF, and 2 miscarriages.  We have consulted with 4 doctors and have been treated by 3.  We have transferred NINE embryos, NINE!  And only one of those has implanted, and only just barely.  Although we have come a long way, when I look at it on paper, we have made very little progress and now I am more heartbroken than ever.  I have watched so many women get pregnant and that is part of being involved in the TTC community, you see the success stories and it’s truly amazing, but you always wonder if you’ll be on the other side of it.  The side that gets to say “I beat infertility”, and you just never know if you will. 


We have a phone consultation with Dr. Sherbahn on January 26th to discuss the IVF fail and hopefully determine what could possibly come next for us.  I am not sure if I want to gamble with my own eggs again if the outcome is going to be the same as it was this cycle and I know there’s no one that can guarantee to me that that won’t happen.  I am very curious about what he has to say and what his suggestions are.  Luckily that is about a month away so that will give us some time to take our minds off of infertility & IVF (oh come on who am I kidding) and focus on other aspects of our lives.  Then hopefully we can come up with a little bit of a plan while we are on our break. 


I am not getting any younger and all that is happening with my age is my fertility health is decreasing so I don’t want to wait too long before taking our next steps.  I know that we may need to adjust our sails a bit and start considering a different route.  I just feel in my heart that is what our next steps are.  Do we keep beating our heads against a wall over and over or do we pick a new route and a different plan of action?  Maybe things aren’t going to ever happen the way we wished them to, maybe it’s just not meant to be that way.  The dysfunction of my body may never allow me to carry out things the way I think they should be carried out.  Do I keep working against it or do I start to work with it?  So many questions I never thought I’d be asking myself at this stage in my life. 


Peace out 2015.  Although it was an amazing year in so many ways with our beautiful forever home finally being completed and all of the joy that that has brought into our lives, we are still fighting a battle that I know I spend many hours of my day thinking about, obsessing about, worrying about, & wondering about.  2016, please be good to us.

22 comments:

  1. Please explore the donor egg. Same boat you are in. Finally did donor first attempt twins. Thought I would feel strange but the moment I saw the first ultrasound we fell in love with them. The first kick was anazing and now that they are here we are complete. Praying for you a b d your family

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  2. I know nothing about the fertility route, but I wish you all the best, Lena. I was an egg donor, and it was the greatest gift I could ever have dreamed to give - knowing that I did, indeed, help a woman get pregnant and deliver her own child because, truly, that baby is no less her own because she needed help from another woman. I wouldn't dream to advise anything, but I totally wish all the best for you in 2016. xo

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  3. I am so sorry nothing has worked. We started ttc 4/2011, but didn't start seeing an RE until 10/2013. Although we haven't done IVF, we have done 6 IUI's and have had a miscarriage, and still nothing. I am almost 38. It is incredibly heartbreaking and unfair. I know you understand. Praying for wisdom and peace for y'all.

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  4. Keep your head up love. You are so strong. Sending you hugs!

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  5. I'm so so sorry. I hope you get some answers!

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  6. Very impressive blog! This information will guide some people to choose the right path. Get the best infertility treatment at Gem Hospital & IVF centre. It is the best IVF centre in Punjab with the best doctors and other staff members.

    ReplyDelete
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  8. شركتنا دار الصفا من افضل الشركات لعزل الفوم مع عمالة مدربة ومتميزة وارخص الاسعار


    شركة عزل فوم

    ReplyDelete
  9. شركة ابشر من افضل الشركات لتنظيف المنازل والمكيفات والتعقيم حيث نسعي لبيئة نظيفة وجميلة ومنزل معقم ودائما عند ثقة عملائنا
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    ReplyDelete
  10. . أفضل شركة خدمات (تنظيف - نقل عفش - مكافحة الحشرات - كشف التسربات ) بارخص الاسعار و اقل التكاليف ، و بجميع المناطق بالمملكة العربية السعودية و نصلكم باقصي سرعة ممكنة .
    فتعد الحشرات من الكائنات التي تسبب توتر و قلق للانسان ووجودها في المكان غير مستحب نهائي لما تسببة من أمراض معدية و اضرار بالصحة كثيرة . لذلك نتمكن من التخلص من جميع الحشرات بأفضل مبيدات حشرية فعالة و بدون رائحة و من خدمات التخلص من الحشرات :-

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    يعد التنظيف من أهم المهام اللابد القيام بها من اجل الحماية من الحشرات و الامراض و هذا ما تهتم به شركتنا بشدة و توفير كافة المعدات و المحترفين . من اجل تنظيف الخزانات و تنظيف جميع الاماكن بالسعودية و من أهم خدمات التنظيف :-
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    يحتاج الكثير الي نقل الاثاث و العفش و يحتاجون الي شركة متخصصة للتغليف و النقل بأمان بدون كسر او خدش و هذا متوفر شركة النجوم لجميع عملائها من خلال خدماتنا :-
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    ReplyDelete
  11. افضل شركة خدمات عامة و مقاولات بجميع الاماكن بالمملكة العربية السعودية و يتوافر لدينا جميع الخدمات بجودة عالية و بارخص الاسعار و أقل التكاليف و نصل اليكم باقصي سرعة ممكنه . فاذا كنت تعاني من تسربات المياة المستمر و تريد شركة متخصصة لفحص و كشف التسربات فنقدم اليكم :-
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    يعاني الكثير من صعوبة تنظيف المكيفات و يحتاجون الي متخصصين يقوممون يتنظيف المكيف داخلياً و خارجياً و تنظيف الفلتر جيداً . اليك هذه الخدمات
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    تتعرض المسابح الي الكثير من المشاكل و تحتاج الي القيام بالفحص و الصيانة و التصليح ، فربما تحتاج الي تغير فلتر او فحص تسربات المياة ، فنوفر جميع خدمات صيانة المسابح بأعلي جودة :-
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    و يعد طفح البالوعات من أكثر المشاكل التي تؤرق الكثير ، لما يصدر عنها من رائحة كريهه و حشرات . و تحتاج الي معدات خاصة و محترفين تسليك المجاري ، و نوفر جميع الامكانيات التي تؤهلنا لتسليك المجاري باحترافية .
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    ReplyDelete
  12. شركة النصر لجميع الخدمات تقدم أفضل خدمة مكافحة الحشرات و رش المبيدات بجازان .
    علي اعلي مستوي من الكوادر البشرية المدربة و الاسعار الرخيصه جداً .
    نستخدم مبيدات بدون رائحة و بدون مواد سامة و نقضي علي جميع انواع الحشرات بفضل الله ..
    نقضي علي الصراصير و البق و الفئران ، و اي حشرة تسبب في ازعاجك . فنحن متواجدون دائماً من أجل خدمتك و لاتتردد ابداً بزيارتنا و الاتصال بنا .


    يتوفر لدينا عماله ممتازه
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    احدث المعدات و افضلها

    شركة النصر لمكافحة الحشرات بجازان

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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