Thursday, July 20, 2017

My Eggs - The Closing Chapter

I know not all of you follow me on Instagram where I posted our final decision about our embryos a few weeks ago.  If you remember we were in a bit of a dilemma about what we were going to do going forward with our left over embryos that consisted of my eggs & Joe's sperm.  The cost to store them was rising, the cost to move them was expensive, and we weren't ready to try for baby number 2 just yet.

So if you saw my Instastory then you heard that we did decide to try to donate the 2 remaining frozen embryos to research rather than transferring them.  My clinic gave me 5 research labs that periodically accept frozen embryos donated for research so I checked online and unfortunately, none of those places were taking donations at the time.  I was bummed because the thought of discarding them is really kind of hard.  Even though the odds were stacked highly against them and I was 100% fine with not transferring them, it is still sad when you think that these potential lives are just being thrown away. 

So at this time the papers have been notarized and sent in for our 2 remaining embryos to be discarded.  I will never go through another egg retrieval (on myself or a donor for that matter), I will never have embryos created in a lab again, the only chance of ever having a biological child of my own is if by some miracle I get pregnant naturally & I am OK with all of this.  Sometimes life puts tough choices in front of us, having infertility has certainly proved that to us time and time again, but it could be worse and we are definitely thankful for where this journey has landed us in the end and that is as parents to our beautiful baby. 

Although we are on what many refer to as "the other side", our lives and our choices continue to be affected by infertility.  I will never forget the roller coaster of emotions that come along with this disease—the heartbreak, the tears, the disappointment, and the unknown, probably the scariest emotion of all.  We still have to consider the fact that I'll be losing infertility treatment coverage next year, we still have to think about when we will start telling our babies about their roots and how they come from a donor, we still have to come up with money for meds, for a cycle, for travel, & chances are we may never be able to conceive a baby on our own and that still stings. 

But, what I've come to realize throughout this entire process over the span of 5 years is that biology doesn't matter to me.  I've learned many other valuable things about optimism, and perseverance too, but undoubtedly, the most significant realization I've had rom this experience so far is that DNA is irrelevant.  At one time it absolutely meant everything to me, I just couldn't bring myself to even consider a child via egg donor that was not "mine", but now I'm older and clearly much wiser and I realize that my child is mine.  We are playing the cards that we are dealt and although it took us a lot of time and effort, to us we came out as winners.  Georgia is our full house, she is our trophy, and she is the symbol of our hard work and determination to win against infertility. 

So I close the book now, officially, on my eggs.  Once they're gone they're gone and I am ok with that.  I can say with unwavering certainty that I would not change the outcome of our journey for anything.  Georgia is such a special little lady and she already, at just a few months old has an amazing tale to tell about how she was brought into this world.  I'm not sure there is a child on this Earth that is as loved and wanted as she is, although I'm pretty biased when I say that.  I know that we made the right decision with our last 2 embryos and I'm happy to be able to get some closure with them.  Now we can focus on our little peach and continue our plan to grow our family.


  1. So proud of you for your decision! No decision is easy but you are doing what is best for your family. Georgia is SO lucky to have you as her mommy! <3

  2. It's so important to do what is best for you and it sounds like you are at complete peace with this decision. It's amazing once you make a decision, that shuts an optional door, how much lighter you feel ya know? Georgia is just the cutest!!

  3. I have loved your transparency through your journey. I think shining a light on all aspects of it helps people who haven't gone through it a little more open minded about more of the process (obviously they won't know all of it because they aren't in your shoes).

    I had a question, and you don't have to answer it because it is none of my business. But do you guys have other donor embryos you will use for hopefully future babies? Again... absolutely none of my business, I was just curious.

  4. I love your honesty and confidence! Enjoy that sweet baby Georgia, and do not lose hope that someday she may still be gifted with a sibling. You just never know what is to come!

  5. Go you for making the best decision for your family and more importantly for being at peace with it. Love following your journey Elena. You are a rockstar.

  6. i can't imagine what a hard decision this was, not to mention a hard journey you've been on that will continue to impact your lives forever. i hope you are able to grow your family when you ready to, Georgia is definitely loved and wanted and that shows in all you share :)

  7. I commend you for your strength throughout your entire journey of infertility along with making such a difficult decisions about your embryos!! Your happiness and love for Georgia shines bright and I love that her DNA doesn't hold any of those feelings back!


Thank you for commenting on my blog! I read & try to reply to every comment via e-mail so if you don't get a reply from me you might be a no-reply blogger!

Blog Design by Imagination Designs
Graphic by OctopusArtis