Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Post D&C


Just looking at my list of posts and seeing one say "Baby Ridley Number 2 Coming June 2019" followed by the next one titled "No Heartbeat" is absolutely heartbreaking.  I don't know why but I am still in this fog of disbelief about what has unfolded over the last 2 weeks.  What went from our first time seeing our baby and hearing it's heartbeat changed for the worst in an instant, and now it's all officially over physically.  All I can think about is how unfair this is and wondering how I will ever get myself to the point of going through this again.  I am SO fearful of another failed cycle, I can't even imagine having this not work for a 3rd time (or a 10th time really) and losing another one of our precious embryos.  

I am trying so hard to get passed this, although I've experienced loss in the past, this one has been the worst, probably because things seemed to be going so well, because we actually made it to an ultrasound before realizing it was over.  It was the farthest along loss I've had and having to have a D&C seemed to make it 10 times worse.  All I can think about is how I am supposed to be pregnant right now.  How our baby shared it's due date with my husband's birthday, how everything seemed to be meant to be and aligned so perfectly, yet it was taken away so quickly.  I've been crying all week at work and I am still just so unbelievably sad about it. 

The hardest part to me was having to carry for 2 weeks before they were able to do surgery.  I know this is nothing compared to mama's who have to carry their babies stillborn until delivery, I know that a D&C at six weeks is common, and that things could've been much much worse and that others have had it much much worse, but that doesn't mean that it hurt any less.  Sitting in the hospital Friday thinking I should be 9 weeks pregnant, yet here I am getting my baby scraped out of my uterus as I waited for a surgery which ran over 2 hours late was absolute torture.  Every nurse, phlebotomist, and staff I encountered who knew what I was there offered their condolences which was sweet but also made it an even tougher day. 

The D&C itself took about 15 minutes, however the surgery is about an hour total.  I got checked in around 9:30 and then headed to the lab where I did a blood draw and a pregnancy test.  I told them I would definitely be getting a positive result since I was there for a D&C, they said they weren't sure why the test was ordered, but I had to do it.  I then headed up to day surgery where I got changed, had an IV placed, spoke to my OB, the anesthesiologist, and had to wait very patiently for them to take me back.  It was a very long morning and unfortunately they got backed up so my surgery that was supposed to be at 10:30 didn't happen until after 12:30.  

They finally took me back, had me move onto the operating table, gave me a sedative via IV, then put the breathing mask on me.  I took one deep breath and I was out.  I woke up in recovery a short while later and felt fine.  They gave me a heavy dose of anti-nausea meds before I went in so I had no motion sickness after which I was thankful for.  They finally let me go back to my room where Joe was waiting and gave me a blueberry muffin and a turkey sandwich.  My OB told Joe all went well.  They took some final vitals on me, let me get dressed, and then we were basically out the door heading home.  We stopped for my prescriptions at CVS and grabbed a Little Caesar's hot & ready to bring home.  

Georgia slept over at grandmas that evening so I was able to go home and hop on the couch and relax for the rest of the evening.  I was instructed to take 600mg of Motrin every 6 hours, she said to keep up on it because not only does it help with pain but it also helps the bleeding.  I've had very minimal bleeding luckily.  She said no tampons for 2 weeks.  She also gave me 2 Norco's for any breakthrough pain I would have, but I didn't need it.  I have had zero pain at all which I am thankful for.  It sounded like I would have some pretty severe cramping but I have had none.  I'm really thankful that this physical part has gone so smooth.  At my follow up appointment on Tuesday afternoon my OB said that I lost a lot of blood which she would expect because of the 2 gestational sacs.  She said it wasn't enough to need a transfusion, but that I definitely will be feeling the effects of the loss of blood.  I've been tired and have had some severe headaches which she said is normal for how much blood I lost.  On top of my RPL, she also ordered a CBC to check my blood.  She wants me to go on iron supplements which she said will take 2 weeks to take effect but which should help regenerate my blood quicker.  She said it will take about 3 months total for my level to return to normal.  

We did opt to have the POC (products of conception) tested which my OB said is typically covered by insurance.  After this D&C my deducible has been met so the testing should be covered as well as any further betas or other bloodwork I might have done before the year is over.  I also had a new RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) panel done to make sure that my levels are where they need to be.  I had one done in 2015 and everything came back normal, however I know something like an elevated prolactin level can cause miscarriage and since I did breastfeed for over a year that could be an issue.  I definitely want to check off everything I can before proceeding with another transfer.  

Lots of people have asked what we plan to do next.  At this point for the rest of the year, nothing.  The only thing we will do this year is testing.  We will not have another transfer this year.  I will definitely need to have at least one or two normal periods before which from what I've learned from others who have had D&C's can sometimes take a couple months to have a regular period.  I need to let me body rest again as it's gone through lots of hormonal changes since July.  We also need to get our finances in order and save up around $5000 before we can proceed.  My guess is within the first few months of 2019 we will get scheduled for another transfer, but as of right now that is just a guess.  

We should have the results of the RPL in the next week or so and the POC results in within 3 to 4 weeks.  My physical recovery overall has been surprisingly easy, the emotional recovery on the other hand has been one of the hardest I've ever experienced.  I want so much to be able to just focus on the holiday's and make sure to soak in every minute of it in happiness and joy.  I have been crying at work both Monday and Tuesday and seeing pregnancy updates have triggered me for the first time in years.  I know that Georgia will be a welcomed distraction to everything that is going on.  This year with her will be so fun, I can't wait to see her open up some gifts herself.  I am forever grateful for her and the love and light she brings into our lives, no matter what happens in the future, we will always have her shining little soul to brighten our lives.  I am doing the best I can to focus on her and the upcoming holiday's as I continue to recover from this.  

9 comments:

  1. Praying for you! I know this season will be so difficult. Just remember what you have now and try to live in the moment. My heart breaks for you!

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    Replies
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  2. Extremely sorry for what you are going through. You are right - this is not fair and you all shouldnt be going through this. :(
    I really hope you can try and focus on Georgia and the upcoming holidays!! Please stay strong. You are a remarkable and inspiring woman that I look up to and really wish you all happiness.

    H

    ReplyDelete
  3. Im am utterly heartbroken for you guys. Sending love and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I’m just so so sorry for your loss. As a member of the multiple miscarriage club I can only imagine the pain you’re feeling. I know it just sucks. My perspective and philosophy is if we moms have to struggle with infertility the pregnancy part should be a hole-in-one and easy with no issues whatsoever. Sending love and support from Oregon. 💔💔💔💔

    ReplyDelete
  5. Saying sorry just doesn't seem adequate. This whole thing is just so incredibly unfair, especially since Christmas is all about family and that can be so hard while you're grieving the loss of your babies. Sending you lots of love, Elena.

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