Monday, February 17, 2014

A big decision...

Because we have been dealt the infertility card, I could possibly be making one of the biggest and hardest decisions of my life to date.  I’ll start with a little background information.  Right now I am in a union position at work.  My benefits are kick ass.  There is no other way to put it.  My deductible is insanely low, and I have coverage for as many IUI’s and IVF cycles as I want at 80/20 coverage.  That’s huge.  My number one priority right now is getting pregnant and becoming a mommy, hands down, but, there are other opportunities (that happen at the worst of times) and a management position at work is one of those opportunities.  There are many pros and cons about switching from union to management, but the biggest con is that my insurance would change & infertility treatment would no longer be covered

To some, it may seem like a relatively easy decision right off the bat, but I've been with the company for five years, six in September, & my goal is to be in a management position.  I've tested and interviewed and I’m expecting to hear this week if I got the job or not.  This would be a huge accomplishment for me.  It would be a lot more responsibility, a big pay increase, but a lot of daily travel.  The job is in Peoria, I live in Oglesby.  It would be close to 3 hours of travel time each day on top of the 8-9+ hours of work I would be putting in, this is obviously one of the cons, but it’s not a determining factor for me either.  There will not be any opportunities for me to move up at my home office in La Salle & but there may be other opportunities in the Peoria somewhere down the road. 

I decided to call my nurse Deena and let her know what is going on.  She said that right now I need to wait until February 25th.  If AF doesn't show by then then I need to get a beta test done.  I haven’t shown any signs of ovulation & haven’t gotten any positive OPK’s so I’m hoping AF will show up without having to get blood work one.  Then I would need to be put on the pill for 2 weeks to make sure that the follicles that didn't rupture, or “cysts” as they refer to them, all go away & my uterus is clear for takeoff.  Then, I would be able to start stims again.  She did say that IVF could be possible for us which threw a whole other wrench into the already stressed system.  Either way, the timeline is not working in my favor as far as when procedures would be done & when new insurance would be kicking in (this is, again, only if I get the job).  To say that this is a huge decision is a huge understatement.  The thought of having to pay for IUI or IVF out of pocket when I had insurance that would cover 80% of it just seems insane to me, but at the same time, giving up something I've wanted for a long time, something I've wanted for longer than I've been dealing with infertility, also seems insane. 

As soon as I heard IVF, things got a lot more complicated, the tears started rolling & my fingers started rapidly texting as fast as they could with the information to Joe.  She said that there is still a chance that we will get pregnant with IUI, but IVF is more bang for our buck, but it’s really up to us in the long run.  If IVF is what we decided to do, it would be the weeks of April 26-May 9.  We are still considering the IUI for one more shot before we would feel comfortable committing to something as big as IVF.  If I were to take the job & the IUI did not work, then we would be stuck paying for the next round out of pocket anyway.

I guess the point to this very lengthy post is that this is the effect of infertility on your life.  It doesn't just effect being able to have children, it has an effect on some of the biggest decisions you will ever make.  And hands down, this is the biggest decision that I have ever been faced with in my life and I’m not sure I will have many more that will ever measure up to what this one has.  How do I decide between two of the biggest things you want for yourself in life?  Not to say that I can’t have both of those things, but the inevitable struggle that I will endure if I decide to take on both.  What about baby number 2?  Even if I could still get one more procedure covered, what happens when we are ready for a second baby?  I know that there are so many couples out there who have drained their savings and spent thousands of dollars on infertility treatment, but that was because they had to.  They didn't have the option.  Does it make me a bad person if I decide that my career is important to me and I’m willing to give up that coverage for a job?   And how about this house we are planning on building?  The entire process of building a house in itself has to have some stress that comes along with it.  Can you see my head spinning yet? 

There is still a lot to think about.  I need to sit down and crunch some numbers as far as pay goes to see if it's really worth it.  I need to talk to my supervisor (who is doing the hiring) and Joe and I need to talk more about what's best for us.  On one hand, I don't want to take a job just because of the money.  If I am miserable, there will be no where for me to go.  Once I leave the union I can never go back.  I know that when I have a baby I want to be the best mom I can be, I want to be able to be around to experience every aspect of mommy-hood as possible & I know if I take this job I won't be able to do that.  On the other hand, this opportunity may never present itself again & then I could be filled with regret about not taking it when it was offered to me.  It is also something that I've wanted for a long time.  #infertilitysucks


  1. I'm so sorry you have to make this decision and are going through this :(
    How does your insurance look once you're in management? Do you have decent coverage for everything else, prescriptions, doc visits etc? There's a lot of visits once you get the ball rolling with pregnancy and then when the baby is here. I'm sure I'm pointing out the obvious ;) That extra 3 hour commute would be a bit of a nightmare when pregnant the house that you're building any closer to Peoria? Would it be possible to switch companies to a similar management position later on, after baby? So many factors...I hope sometime soon the right decision for you, presents itself.

  2. Aw girl, you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place! Talk things over with your hubs and see what ya'll decide together. If I were in your shoes (and this is purely armed with just the info you shared above), I just don't think I would be able to take the job. Ultimately you are trying for a baby and if you need to have extra medical care to ensure a healthy successful pregnancy, those health benefits aren't worth losing. If you were to be pregnant right now, would you be planning return to work after you have your baby? And would you be willing to be over an hour's drive away from your baby each day? Just seems to be that there may be more cons than pros when you consider your commute, your change in benefits, etc. Best of luck to you and I'll be thinking of you! Let us know what you decide ok?


  3. Oh, girl. I am so very sorry to hear all the struggles you've been through. I do truly believe that the Lord has a good and gracious plan for you and your husband. Give yourself some time and space to figure this out, and it will work out. XO big hugs and lots of prayers.

  4. Heart breaking for you girlie. Lifting you up in prayer! xx

  5. First, you are not a bad person if you choose your career! Second, you are extremely lucky to have these two options to choose from. Only you and your husband can decide what is best for you right now. Whenever I am faced with difficult situations, I try to remind myself, God will not give me anything I can't handle! You are not alone in these struggles my friend!


  6. That is a tough decision, and you are NOT a bad person, no matter what choice you make. I guess you just have to decide which one you want MORE. What's more important to you? Starting a family now or your career? There is obviously no wrong decision, only you will know what's best. Follow your heart, go with your gut. In the end, it will all work out. It always does!

  7. You are not a bad person if you choose career over insurance because God will always provide as long as we stay in His will. Make sense? If it's God's will for you to take this job then he will also provide for you to have a baby. I read a post the other day about not putting our life on old just waiting for a baby. Live life now and take it one day at a time. Praying that you will have peace and wisdom as you make some life changing decisions.

  8. I'm so sorry :( I've been down the Infertility and IVF road and it's so hard. There's so many decisions to make, so many things to take into account...and the worst part about making these huge life-changing decisions is the outcome is always uncertain...unknown. Bottom line, follow your heart :) Ask yourself what will bring the most happiness and fulfillment to you and your family and go with it. Go with your gut girl :)

  9. I'm seriously beginning to think you and I are twins in different states. You are right, infertility does more than effect your ability to have children. It is part of every decision you make! Example: that beach vacation this summer.. Well what if I'm super pregnant? Applying for a new job... Well what if I'm pregnant and need time off for doctor appointments? or what if I'm doing IVF and need extra time off for trips to the fertility center? Being in a friend's fall wedding... Well what if I'm super pregnant? It will be hard to get fitted for a dress. The list goes on and on. It is seriously in the back of your mind in every decision you make.

    No matter how hard we try not to let infertility (and the treatments) determine what, when, how... it still does. I'm in the same boat, my friend. I will be praying for God to show you the path you need to take and for Him to give you peace during this stressful time. I still believe with every ounce of my being that your miracle will be coming soon. Keep on keepin' on! You've got this!

  10. Pray through it. And go with your heart (like Amanda said). You are searching to make the right decision which is always a good thing. And I'm sure you will. Hang in there.

  11. There are many decisions that go into raising another human being other than diapers. It is a commitment that is selfless. There are sleepless nights not to mention the toll it can take on the other aspects of your life such as relationships and your body. This is a huge step in a person's life they need to dwell on.

    Jason Hayes @ DECORM


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