Thursday, October 24, 2013

how to cope

Even though we have come so unbelievably far in the last couple of weeks, there is still uncertainty about ever becoming parents. I think our chances are really good, & our doctor thinks they are too, but there is still a little voice in the back of your head that says, “what if this doesn’t work?” I can’t even begin to describe how much better I’ve felt about the entire situation since seeing the fertility specialist & I think Joe probably feels much better too, but I will never forget what I felt over the last two years as we struggled with this, the letdowns, the fights, the tears, bruised friendships, jealousy, inadequacy, sleepless nights, and a whole hell of a lot of negativity overall. My whole point of this is that when you’re struggling with infertility (or anything else in this world) you have to have ways to cope. If you don’t, you could find yourself in a very dark place, struggling to see the light. What I’ve found to be the best ways to cope & the ways to reduce stress…

1. A supportive & loving partner. Hands down…If you have nothing else in this, you have to be on the same page as your husband or significant other & even if you don’t always agree, you have to have each other’s backs & be playing for the same team. You will not succeed if you don’t. You have to both want the same things & you have to talk about those things. You have to make sure that if for some reason you weren't able to conceive a child of your own, you won’t resent each other. You love that person unconditionally; well this is part of that. There are NO conditions when you love someone unconditionally. If you do make it a condition of your love, then you are certain to fail.  And most importantly, you have to be able to make each other smile when times are the hardest!

this was almost six years ago, being silly & just laughing together with my favorite person.

2. Super, totally awesome, amazing friends & family. I’ve been sooo lucky in this department. My friends & family have showed the most genuine concern for me, especially since seeing the FS, having the surgery, & finding out that my friend Jen is pregnant. We want to be pregnant together & she along with the rest of my best girls & closest family members are rooting for us. I received so many unbelievable texts, messages, emails, blog comments, phone calls, etc. from people I would expect to hear from, & many from people I would never think would even read my blog or have any concern for me at all. We are truly blessed to have so many amazing people in support of us.

me with my J's!  we don't get many opportunities to all be together at the same time
cherish every minute that we do!

my awesome mom who has been through A LOT with me & always been
my #1 fan.

3. Relationships with people who are going through the same thing…I can’t stress this enough. Your husband and family, & friends will be amazing throughout, but they will never really understand what you are going through. I found a couple bloggers who went through or are currently going through the same thing. It’s nice to have someone to compare notes with. And if you can find a person who you know (I found Aimee!!) & can talk on a more personal level with, that’s even better. You would be surprised at how many people struggle with infertility (1 in 5 actually, that means there are several people you know!) Of course not everyone is as willing to publicly proclaim their problems, but having someone you can relate to is so reassuring.

convo between Aimee (pink) & me (blue)... we are behind each other 100%

4. Times you can forget about the stress, relax, & have fun. It’s important to be able to take your mind off of the things that are creating stress & negativity in your life. Stress can greatly affect your chances of getting pregnant. The cycle is vicious though. Try not to be stressed after you’ve been TTC for two years, it’s a huge challenge! De-stress by working out, taking a vacation or weekend getaway, getting a massage (Reiki is great for fertility!), pampering yourself with a mani/pedi, going out & having some good old fashioned fun, or going on a date with your husband, occupy your mind with anything positive. Positive thoughts=positive outcomes.

bike trip, the most amazing ocean i've ever seen, a relaxing pedi, & a simple night out with friends

I hope that I can help anyone who feels like they are alone in this because you really aren’t. There are many of us out there. The farther we go in this process, the more I feel like I want to share every part, the good, & the bad of this journey. You never know who you can give a glimmer of hope to just by sharing your stories. I want to be able to look back on this one day & be happy that I documented everything that I was feeling, what I needed, who was there for me, & what worked & what didn't. Baby dust, baby dust, baby dust! 


  1. I love this! Such a good reminder no matter the battle one may be fighting. I just love your blog and I think you're such an inspiration! Keep sharing cause I love hearing what's going on. I know we don't personally know each other, but I'm really routing for you and Joe!

    1. Thank you!! It's so nice to hear that people can relate to what I'm writing!! Really appreciate your support!! :-)

  2. I love this post. I think that we all need to stick together in this fight. I think that you do need to learn how to cope but I have learned that sometimes it is easier to cry it out too!! There have been several times that I have just walked to the bathroom to cry it out then I am fine! We are gonna get pregnant and if you have any questions or want to talk to me just let me know!

    1. You're absolutely right there will be a ton iof tears and anger that come along with it, and having a good cry never hurt anyone, like you said, it can actually help sometimes too!! You're right we are going to get pregnant, and we will be so unbelievably thankful because of what we've had to go through to get there!!


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