Saturday, October 12, 2013

the truths about infertility

I just want to preface this by saying these are all my own feelings & truths that I've come to experience in this entire process.  I don't know anyone else personally who has struggled with it so I can't really compare if what I'm feeling is what anyone else with the same issues feels.  I have found some great ladies in blog land that I've been able to connect with who have made me feel very supported & I really appreciate that.  Of course my closest girls have been absolutely wonderful about asking questions & showing a genuine concern for us throughout this process & I am so thankful I have them in my life.

It's been a true roller coast ride of emotions throughout this entire process.  We literally started trying to get pregnant like THE day we were married.  That was over two years ago.  I wouldn't say that every single one of those 24 months were all-effort-forward attempts, but the majority of those months were & after reading that the average couple takes 4-6 months to conceive, I knew that there had to be something wrong with us after 6+ months of us trying.  After one year of not being able to conceive, a couple is considered infertile.  We are well beyond one year, many tests, & lots of anger & tears, but we are now moving forward at a very fast pace & we are more than ready to start a family.  

As a woman, it's a tough reality to accept that you  might not be able to conceive, or you may need some kind of intervention such as IUI or IVF or even just fertility drugs.  I am SOOOO thankful to modern medicine that we have these options out there, but as a woman, there is a sense of inadequacy if you're not able to conceive naturally.  You have to have faith that your partner won't resent you for things that you may not be able to do or provide for them.  Joe and I both knew that we wanted a family with each other.  He has always wanted kids, how awful would I feel if I wasn't able to be able to give Joe the family that he wanted, & I'm sure the feeling is mutual.  You don't know that your infertile until you start trying to have a baby and for us we didn't start that until after we were married.  I think the most important part of this entire process is to have a supportive partner.  Of course we don't always agree with each other about the decisions that we make, but we are  always supportive of each other no matter what.  We always make it a point to remind each other that we are on the same team no matter what & we really do practice that & believe in each other no matter what the situation is.  

We didn't have to think twice about it when Dr. G recommended the laparoscopy, we decided together that this would be the best option for us if we are serious about starting a family and we are.  Joe is more than willing to take time off work, unpaid, to come to the appointments with me, understand the process, take care of me when I'm home and in pain, & I would hope that any supportive husband would do the same for their wife.  

At 27 years old, the amount of pregnancy announcements that I've heard over the last couple years has been astronomical, but we are at that age.  Weddings & babies is about all I see on my Facebook feed anymore & sometimes it does hurt a bit.  One of my best friends is pregnant & I cannot wait to start shopping for her little bundle of joy!  I am beyond excited for her & I hope that we can experience pregnancy together.  One thing that I don't see enough of is those of us who are struggling with infertility aren't speaking up about it & supporting each other.  What I hope to achieve with my blog & sharing this extremely personal aspect of my life is that maybe another woman going through this can feel like they aren't alone & that there is a glimmer of hope.  Even though I'm not pregnant yet, I feel so much better about the entire situation after finally accepting reality and seeing the fertility doctor.  All of the culture surrounding infertility can be a really hard pill to swallow, but I'm so glad that we decided to bite the bullet & go for it.  

As personal as this might seem, I'm happy to be sharing this one for my own personal reasons, but for two so that others know that this is a real thing that happens to more people than you might know.  I can't wait to see what our future holds for us as we continue on this journey.

8 comments:

  1. Elena- thank you so much for sharing your experience. You are so brave for sharing the personal aspects of what you're going through. I also want to say thank you for your kind words of encouragement on the post I wrote the other day. I have loved your blog since I found it and the entire time I was writing my post I kept thinking of you. I sincerely hope that I didn't offend you when I was writing my post... You're the first person I know of who is willing to share their experiences and I really admire that about you. I'm keeping you and Joe in my thoughts and praying that this road leads you to your own bundle of joy. I think you're a remarkable person and you deserve to be happy! :)

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    1. Thank you for your sweet comment!! You will have your second bundle of joy in no time!! I really appreciate people who are honest about their struggles because they're very real and support is the best thing we can get to help us through the tough times.

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  2. I just stumbled across your blog and wanted to offer some words of encouragement. I also struggled with infertility, although not to your extent. While I was going through that difficult time, but of my sister-in-laws became pregnant. It was heart breaking. After taking some hormones that did nothing to help me, I finally ovulated on my 3rd cycle of Clomid and was pregnant by the 5th cycle. The process is emotional and time consuming. I was obsessed with temping & my charts and many other things. I will be thinking about you and just know that your body is waiting for that perfect egg & sperm to make YOUR baby. Luckily, science & medicine can help that process along now!

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    1. Thank you for your reassuring words, I love hearing about people who have been successful with their infertility treatments!! It's so hard not to track and chart and stress but it's very important not to!! Thanks for stopping by!!

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  3. I really appreciate your blog post.. These truths are never seen between the couples sometimes and this leds to many problems. Infertility is a big issue and must be resolved with proper consultation and understanding.

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    1. Thank you. Never thought we would be goin thru what we are today, but I'm very thankful that there are so many treatments lout there. Thank you for stopping by.

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  4. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank your for being so open. After reading several of your blog posts, it seems as if we are on a very similar timeline. I had surgery in November to remove some endometriosis and to drain those darn cysts cause from Clomid. Ugh. We are patiently waiting for AF so we can begin our first round of injectibles. I saw one of your other posts that mentioned Follistum and I got a little excited. I don't personally know anyone who has gone through what WE are going through, so it is refreshing to read your journey. I have caught myself several times thinking, "I totally know what she means by that!" or "That sounds like something I've said!"

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