Monday, September 22, 2014

CD1 & More on our next cycle

Going into a 3rd cycle with a positive outlook is going to be the most challenging it has ever been.  I know that it's only been a week since our BFN and it's still very fresh in my mind and I'm sure that my attitude towards this cycle will change just like it has in the past.  But with each failure, it gets harder and harder to stay optimistic.  A few days ago I was scrolling through my Instagram feed when I saw a quote that really spoke to me and I really found myself agreeing with.  Emily Dear Heart is a gorgeous tattoo model and she always posts such inspirational words.  She says, "what a difference our souls would feel if we allowed failure to be freeing"... then this was her caption... "No risk, no reward. Each and every failure we are blessed with is yet another chapter to grow and become more prepared for the future we are destined to live. Let your failure make you free, it's here to teach us all we can handle more than we think. Failure is a tool. Let it lead you to where you are going, not stop you in your tracks." I couldn't agree more with this statement and I'm going to try hard to remember this while we figure out what will happen next for us on this journey.  

This first weekend after another BFN was bittersweet.  Although last weekend I was fairly certain that our 2nd FET was unsuccessful, I still held onto the last shred of hope that my beta could prove the HPT wrong.  Saturday was CD1 which is a good sign and typically means the start of another cycle, but I'm not sure if this cycle is going to happen right away if the doctor will agree to some of the testing that I am going to ask about.  We won't know until next Monday the 29th, I'm anxious about our appointment and I really hope that we can take some new steps to get some answers that I think are completely necessary before we move onto another cycle.

This weekend was also Vintage Illinois, it's the biggest wine festival in the state and it's always the 3rd weekend of September.  Last year Jessica and I volunteered which was so much fun.  We basically just welcomed people in at Will Call and handed them their glasses and tickets, and drank free wine all day.  A few months ago I was asked to volunteer again this year, but I was sure that I would be pregnant by the time the event rolled around so I decided not to.  I was again proved wrong and ended up going to the festival with my mom and Jessica.  It was a lot of fun, but it was also something that I was so certain I wouldn't be doing so it was a little disappointing as well.  What I've finally realized is that over the last three years I have told myself, I will be pregnant by this time or that time so I don't want to commit to certain things, I base my plans on the "well, if I'm pregnant", what I really need to do is just stop setting expectations about when I think I will be pregnant because it's only led to A LOT of let down.  I should've learned this a long time ago, but I guess it's just now starting to settle in that I may never meet those expectations that I've set for myself.  

On the positive and less depressing side of things, our 3 year anniversary is Wednesday!  We decided no gifts this year because of the house.  No gifts can compare to the one we are giving ourselves right now by building our forever home, but we are planning on dinner at Bartley's on Wednesday to celebrate.  

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and enjoys this last full week of September.  I can't believe that it will be October in just a few short days!

15 comments:

  1. Without saying things I'm sure you've heard a million times I'll focus on the fact that your three year anniversary is coming up!! Woo hoo and hope you guys have a wonderful time celebrating!!

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  2. I agree with Biana! Focus on your 3rd anniversary and the house! Great things are definitely coming your way girl!

    <3, Pamela
    sequinsandseabreezes.blogspot.com

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  3. Oh how I love that quote!! It applies to so different struggles we all face in life. While each one is heart breaking in itself, I think we forget that others are suffering outside of our own personal trials. Hugs to you, my sweet friend! I'm so glad you have you're hubs as your rock and get to celebrate 3 years this week! My, how time flies! We WISH we were building our forever home so I'll be living vicariously through you until it's our turn!

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  4. It's such a toss up on trying to set timelines in your head on when you may be pregnant and not doing that. On the one hand, it's thinking positive but on the other hand if it doesn't work out then you are let down. I've tried both and can't figure out which way to go since neither work out ugh! I am thinking of you and your upcoming appointment to decide which route you will take next. Happy Anniversary too!!

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  5. When I read that quote it reminded me of a great article I read a while ago, What are you willing to struggle for? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-manson/the-most-important-question_b_4269161.html Check it out, it's definitely worth the read. Happy almost 3 year Anniversary!

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  6. Happy {early} Anniversary! I say grab some take out and eat dinner at your new place and think about all the wonderful memories you've made the last three years and think about the wonderful things that are to come! :)

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  7. Happy Anniversary! I hope you are able to enjoy this week. It sounds like you have lots of question and a plan in mind, so I hope you get lots of answers at your next appointment! Thinking of you lots!

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  8. I know it is so hard to focus on the positive and other amazing things going on in life, but maybe sit back for a bit and focus on your GORGEOUS home building and quality time with your husband. You are young, waiting a couple months isn't going to be bad. It may give you more time to get questions answered. Now I know that is way easier to say than actually do.
    It is so good to know Im not the only one who thinks...well what if I am preggo by then.... so hard not to think that way, but I am doing slightly better at that ;)

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  9. stay strong and positive girl - i wish i could say something that would help. hope your anniversary is amazing :)

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  10. That quote was just what I needed. It's so hard not to try and think ahead. I do the same type of planning around the "ifs" and I know it has to stop. Thanks again for your openness.

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  11. Third anniversary third IVF this is it. xoxo

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  12. Just keep your lovely attitude, my friend. Good things are going to happen for you. I just know it. Happy 3rd anniversary to you and hubs!! xoxo

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  13. Happy anniversary, my sweet friend. I'm anxious to see what doc has to say about the testing. You still have hope and faith….I can see it. Hugs!

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  14. Happy anniversary girl! Couldn't agree with that quote any more! Head up and enjoy the amazing things that are happening right now in this moment with you, the hubs and the house :) XX

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  15. That quote and caption is perfect!!! I think it's a great thought to hold onto with your upcoming tests and hopefully soon transfer! Positive thoughts! :)

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