Tuesday, March 03, 2015

To My Future Baby Love

I've never written a letter, set up a nursery, or purchased any baby items for my future child.  I was always certain that I would jinx myself.  The other day when my fellow infertility sister and infertility ninja (aka, pregnant with TWINS) Rachael shared a picture on Instagram of a "Worth the Wait" onesie she bought for her babies, it got me thinking.  I thought about it for a few days and started picturing in my head how cute my newborn baby would one day be in that onesie and how much that photo would mean and what it would represent.  It would be 100% raw honesty, a baby born from the throes of infertility, wearing a onesie with the most undoubtedly perfect and honest saying on it ever... worth the wait. Now, it was all I could think about.  That image.  



So, I bought it.  I actually bought two things for my future child.  The one I know is on it's way.  I bought the Worth the Wait onesie because I couldn't think of anything else I'd rather have my kid in than that, until I saw the Vroom Vroom onesie with the motorcycle on it.  There I was, not just one, but two items in my basket, checked out, and confirmed via email that it was on it's way.  To some this may not seem like milestone or even a big deal at all, but for me it is kind of huge.  I feel like it might symbolize the inner peace I am feeling about this next cycle and about our future.  I guess that break that we took and all that we've been though and the time I've had to reflect on it has really been good for my well-being and my peace of mind.  I'm eternally grateful to whatever it was that brought upon this new-found tranquility that I feel.  

To my future Baby Love,
You will be loved more than I can even fathom.  I don't even know what that kind of love is yet because I have yet to experience it but I know it is something powerful and great.  I know that your daddy will feel the same way.  I don't think that it's because of the struggle we had to conceive you, I think that it's because that's just how parents love their children.  Every child is a true gift and we are anxiously awaiting the day that we finally receive ours.  You WILL be worth the wait, every second of it, every injection, every procedure, every tear, every let down.  Those things will all fade quickly away the day that we finally get to hold you in our arms.  

We are finally starting our initial testing for IVF round 4.  Today is my hysteroscopy.  They will use a small viewing tool called a hysteroscope to check my cervix and uterus to check for any abnormalities.  Fingers crossed we're all clear in there!  I'm also currently using OPK and once I get a positive we will schedule my endo biopsy where they will check for the beta-3 integrin protein needed for implantation.  The doctor has also ordered an RPL panel (recurrent pregnancy loss) although I've only had one miscarriage, there is a myriad of things they are looking for.  I will also do a blood/glucose test along with the biopsy.  I'm really happy that we are finally going to rule some things out and really look for the issue at hand.  I'm taking things as they come, I'm not anxious and wishing my days away like I have in the past.  I am ready for round 2, or I guess in my case round 4 of taking on this battle for hopefully, the last time.  I am ready for this to happen for us.  

25 comments:

  1. GOOD for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't wait to see your future babe in that onesie (which is adorable, by the way)!! It WILL happen! XO

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  2. BEAUTIFUL! Love, love, love this. You exemplify love and hope! xx

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  3. I'm thinking about you as you embark on the next part of your journey. Your future babe is going to look so stinking adorable in his or her new onesies!! :)

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  4. This makes me smile!! I'm so glad you are in such a positive place! I know good things are going to happen for you this year! That onesie is perfect! xoxo

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  5. You have handled all of your infertility with such grace. What an exciting purchase going into your 4th round of IVF. I hope this helps you be surrounded with great positive energy.

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  6. You, sweet girl, are such a trooper. I can't wait for you and your husband to conceive and carry your sweet angel. I know it will happen! xo

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  7. So happy for you!!!!!! You are in such a wonderful place right now. It also sounds like you are in such experienced hands at your new dr office. Can't wait to keep reading the updates. Also, can't wait for the day I see pictures of your beautiful (or handsome) babe in those onsies!!!!

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  8. I am so excited for you!! Can't wait to hear how it goes today. Kudos to you for buying something for your future baby, I have never done that either. However, I do have a little Christmas dress that my Grandmother made years ago (she has since passed) and I kept it tucked away just in case one day I had a daughter that could wear it.

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  9. Tears! This was so beautiful. I find it encouraging to buy baby stuff here and there, when I see it on clearance but I probably go overboard. Maybe you should frame that onesie in the room where the nursery will most likely be until your sweet bundle of joy gets here?

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  10. So beautiful! Cheering you on for this 4th round girly!! :) xoxo

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  11. I love this post :) I did the same thing but with a pair of pajamas and it's what our daughter wore home from the hospital after 4 long years of struggle. I remember crying happy tears when I put it on her. And you will do the same :) I am following along and cross my fingers for you everyday! www.chasingdreamsandcatchinglife.blogspot.com

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  12. This post gave me chills girls. You were on my mind the other day and I was hoping to hear an update on how things are going :)

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  13. Can't wait to see your sweet baby in that onesie! :)

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  14. Love this! I was the same way at first about jinxing the outcome of a transfer or pregnancy. Then I just saw it as showing our future child that he/she is really wanted. Good luck today with survey. Hope everything turns out ok.

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  15. Beautiful! Love both of the onesies. That is going to be one adorable babe. Praying as you get ready for the next round!

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  16. So precious. My husband and I struggled to conceive for a little over a year, but finally getting pregnant was the most heart wrenching joy I've ever felt. My heart was (and still is) so full it hurt. So I can only imagine how you will feel with all that you have endured and that onsie will be perfect! Sending up prayers for your apt!

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  17. This is a precious post! Love it :)

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  18. Love it!!! Both of those onesies will be PERFECT for your little one someday! And I love that note to your little one. So sweet! :)

    <3, Pamela
    Sequins & Sea Breezes

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  19. You amaze me, friend. That little baby is going to be SO loved when it's time!

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  20. Glad to hear things went well yesterday (saw on your IG) that onsie is just perfect, I've felt the same as you about buying stuff, hesitant that I will jinx something, so excited for this round for you!

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  21. I absolutely love this!!!! So sweet - I love your step of faith and your sweet letter!

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  22. I love this post praying for you as always.

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  23. I love this post girl, and I can't wait to see your future baby in those onesies ;) That child will be so loved and absolutely worth the wait!
    I have a box full of baby clothes. I might have a problem. They are just so cute!

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  24. Awww! This just melts my heart!!!! ♥ Those onesies are precious! I can't wait to see your little one in them!!!!!!!

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