Thursday, March 20, 2014

Fertility Frustrations

As I said in my previous post, AF finally decided to show up this weekend after 45 days.  I was elated.  It feels funny to be so excited for something we normally hate, but I knew that once it came, we could FINALLY start our next IUI cycle.  Let me remind you, this cycle was supposed to happen Feb 7th, but due to over stimulation it was cancelled.  I had to wait for my period before I could start the next cycle, then came this 45 day wait. 

I called the office bright and early Monday hoping that I would be able to get in for my baseline.  The nurse told me that I actually didn’t need to come in I could just start injections on Tuesday.  She said since we didn’t trigger ovulation this last cycle that I shouldn’t have any cysts (follicles that didn’t rupture) and should be clear to start.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough Follistim to start so she had me come down Peoria for a loaner cartridge and they would do an ultrasound anyway. 

Everything was looking good until he checked my left ovary, there it was, a cyst.  The only way to rid your body of a cyst is to take BCP for two week.  I was so bummed.  I couldn’t believe it, another setback, and another 2ww before I can even start injections!  I was really feeling like throwing in the towel & just saying fuck it.  I know that I was only thinking that out of anger, but it can be so hard not to be discouraged.  I know it’s for the better that the cyst was found.  They don’t want you stimulating something that has no chance of ovulating and I don’t want that either.  I want my body to be perfectly primed for this next cycle so that it is successful.

On top of this, on Wednesday afternoon I got a phone call from Freedom Fertility who dispenses specialty meds like Follistim, Ganirelix, and Ovidrel.  They told me that my insurance will not cover the Follistim.  I called my prescription provider and they told me that the coverage had changed as of January 1.  All I wanted to do was scream!  I’ve been really lucky as far as coverage has gone, but insurance, even for those of us with really good insurance, is a pain in the ass.  There is no better way to put it.  My doctor’s office told me to get an authorization form faxed over to them so they could have the request reviewed and hopefully approved to be covered.  Finally, after 3 phone calls from Freedom Fertility, I was told that my doctor said I can use Gonal F this time instead.  Gonal F, like Follistim is FSH, it’s the same thing, and it’s only costing me $4 instead of the $550 I was going to have to pay out of pocket for the Follistim.  My doctor’s office was going to be kind enough to donate a cartridge to me as well.  How amazing is that that they would offer to do that?!  I’m glad that we found an alternative, but what a headache this week has been.

I don’t know if this comes off as petty, or not a big deal to some, but I really feel like I’m hanging by a string.  I am not a patient person, never have been, and this journey has taught me so much about patience.  It’s starting to wear thin & frustrations are mounting.  You try to take a deep breath and remind yourself it’s only two weeks, then you hear about two more couples who are expecting, and it’s the icing on the cake.  Then you find out your insurance is not only denying coverage for your meds, but also may be retracting all of the bills they've already paid because they say I don’t actually have coverage (yep, that’s a true statement, but there is a mistake somewhere, I do have coverage according to my 2014 BCBS plan book!) and you have to wonder what it’s like to not be infertile.  How much less shit you have to wade through to have a baby.  I completely accept the fact that these are the cards I was dealt and that this process is going to make me a stronger, better, more appreciative parent than it would’ve if I could conceive on my own.  I’m not saying that people who can conceive naturally aren’t strong, wonderful parents, because they are, I’m just saying for me personally, I think I will value parenthood more than I would've if we would get pregnant on our own.

Had this waiting on my desk when I got to work the next day.  I have some awesome co-workers

I apologize for the lengthy post.  All I want is for others out there to know that they are not alone in their frustrations and their struggles.  And for those who don’t understand the process to get a glimpse of the hoops that we have to jump through to have what so many take for granted.


  1. Oh how frustrating! Stupid cysts, go away! I'm glad you're able to take Gonal F and that insurance will cover that. $4 is significantly better, for sure! I hope they get everything straightened out on their end though. I can't imagine how irritating it must be. Keep us posted and hopefully in 2 weeks you can finally start moving forward again!


  2. How frustrating that you had to deal with the insurance issues! Like you need the extra stress, but luckily it worked out. Your persistence will pay off! Waiting another weeks is another small setback, but mabe this timing will be better. Plus, it will push you a but farther away from a Christmas due date. Hope you are finding some peace in the little victories. ;-) Thinking about you!

  3. How frustrating. Hang in there girl. I know that is easier said than done. I HATE you are having such a hard time and having so many setbacks. I will be praying for you.

  4. :( Every time I see you post something I am eager to read it in hopes of good news. I am so sorry you are experiencing yet another set back in this process. But so true better to have found that cyst now than to start the IUI later for it to fail. That would just be more weeks of waiting.
    Wish there was something more I could say or do to offer you words of comfort. But I am thinking of you as always rooting for your happy beginning.

  5. It is frustrating, hubby and I are just finishing year two of infertility. Got pregnant almost as soon as we started trying, then miscarried and have been trying ever since with no luck and Dr's have no idea why! Nothing works because they say there is nothing wrong with us! Obviously, something IS wrong. I know what you mean about finding out a couple are expecting, as of today, 5 of my friends are pregnant, 3 just announced it this week and all 3 are due in September. I broke down the other day to my husband and just said I don't want to be happy for them, I'm NOT happy for them, I'm MAD. It's really just not fair. But that saying is so true, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have! There have been so many days where I really thought that I just can't go through another day and there is no hope, but yet, we always make it another day. There really are no words to comfort someone going through infertility, because people who haven't been through it can't really know exactly how you feel. And everyone's infertility journey is different. Thank you for writing about your journey and sharing something so personal with all of us! It's nice to find some things that I can relate too :)

  6. I hate that you guys had another setback. It really is so frustrating and painful when so many people around us continue to get pregnant. I will continue to pray for you guys. Thank you so much for sharing these posts. It really helps that we don't feel alone. Here's to learning more about patience. I hope next week is better for you.


Thank you for commenting on my blog! I read & try to reply to every comment via e-mail so if you don't get a reply from me you might be a no-reply blogger!

Blog Design by Imagination Designs
Graphic by OctopusArtis